I Looked to the Light

I looked to the light,
And a river of blood
Was flowing from the altar.
The fountain it flowed
From the side of the lamb,
And the kingdoms of men it faltered.
They could not believe
That the heart of the lamb
Was for the healing of the nations

And I stood and I wept
For the kingdom of God.
It was waiting just behind Him.
The river of life
Was the only bar,
And the tree of life stood beyond it.
But no one would come,
Their eyes were so fixed
On the lamb, though none received him.

The Lamb turned to me
His eyes burning deep
And he said to me, “Will you come?
And coming will you bring them?”

Tidbits

Interesting tidbits from my wonderful, fascinating life, all of which will probably interfere with the aura just inspired by the above poem:

Folks, life is getting scary. I found out Monday that I had a bibliography assignment due, um… last week. It was on the syllabus, plain and simple, but it wasn’t in the actual schedule of when things were due. You had a couple of pages of reading assignments, and on the back was the instructions about the paper that was due. I didn’t read those instructions because I wasn’t prepared to write my paper yet. However, in this particular class, my paper is broken down for me into several assignments, one of which was due last week. I think he talked about it in class, but I’m really not an audio learner, so I didn’t really pay much attention. I did my readings, got A’s on my quizzes and went on with my merry life. Until last week, when people turned in these pages and pages of lists of things they’d found on Chaucer. I thought, maybe, this is some kind of voluntary thing. Gee, those kids are so diligent, doing research on something they haven’t even read yet. Then Monday, they all go their assignments back and I think I saw grades on them, or at least comments. And so I had to ask, “Ok what the heck is this?” I got some pretty crazy looks. So now my homework’s late. Then, I realized Tuesday that I had completely missed a community service project that was worth 5% of my grade in my ethics class. I just forgot all about it. I spent all day Saturday cleaning my own room instead of cleaning the houses of poor, elderly people. My professor told me that she wanted to challenge the irrevocable nature (that means you can’t make it up) of the assignment, so I should think of some community service project that was really impressive and get back with her. I’m thinking of a childrens’ outreach program that a lady at MorningStar does, but I haven’t contacted her yet. Ve shall see.

Needless to say, I’m in a whirlwind right now. I already went ahead and dropped the extra class I was auditing, and now I’m just hoping to become a great deal more efficient. Because the only thing else I can drop is Xanga and I’m really loathe to do that. Monday night I hid in my room and did my homework assignment and refused to answer the phone or email or IM or anything. I felt pretty childish doing it, but I just didn’t want to talk to anybody. My understanding is that there were people all over campus trying to find me. My roommate came into the room and laughed at me and said (in his quiet Japanese way), “You’re hiding!” And I said, “Yep!” I’m so glad somebody understood.

Also: I guess other things than just dreams come up. I was sick last night. Here I was, already tired from freaking out about school and I ate something bad in the cafeteria. I thought I was just tired to the point of being dizzy and nauseous, so I went to bed, but when I woke up at 5:30 this morning “tired to the point of being dizzy and nauseous” I decided that maybe it was something else. This is proof of an English major: What was I doing in my sleep? I was rehashing the story of Frankenstein and trying to prove that the monster never really existed in the story, but was simply a figment of Dr. Frankenstien’s dementia. I was sure of this because I knew that every time the monster showed up and talked to Frankenstein, he was overcome with a rush of dizziness to the point of nausea. I was never able to prove my point entirely, though, because I eventually woke up.

What I really wanted was Pepto Bismol, but since that wasn’t available, I decided to get up and try for a soda from the dorm vending machine. I hopped down from my bunk (a feat in itself when you want to throw up) found the coin jar and shivered my way to the laundry room. I dished out the low low price of $1.00 and put in my first nickel. Fortunately, I realized immediately that something was wrong when the nickel when “chink” instead of the usual “chinkle-dink shiver shiver plish.” I looked in and there was a pile of money stuffed right inside the coin slot. Man, I tried everything. I got my keys out and tried to shove those coins around. I undid a paperclip. I broke the hook off of a hanger on the door of a washing machine in my attempt to un wind it so I could use it to shove the coins around. Nothing. I had no dollar bills, so I was not going to get a nice cool sprite. Eventually, I decided I was better enough just from being vertical for a while and went back to bed. For the most part, I think I’m better now. I was sort of pleased to know that my roommate was also feeling sick this morning and had eaten the same thing I did at dinner last night. Misery loves company. I am, however, going to tell the cafeteria staff in vain hopes that they won’t give us leftovers this time.

Shutting up now (to quote a little leprechaun)
KB

The Light!

The Light! He draws the song
Etched deep within my soul
To carve in me a statue
The scars clave deep my wooden soul

The pain of beauty comes whistling down me
Removing flesh, the husk of life, like bark,
Dividing spirit from the soul.
Wood shavings pile around the work of art

A master knows the difference
In the tree sees Wooden-Head
The love, the life, the light to bring
A living child from marionette!

A Few Interesting Things to report…

First off, everybody look up at my one beautiful graphic. Isn’t that nice? Do you wish you could draw? I wish I could draw. That lovely little banner was done for me by Jeremy Hall according to my sister’s design. Kudos to both of you. Actually, this is yet another blatant attempt at self-promotion. I took out an ad for my website at Machall.com. It cost five bucks and I figured, hey! Plus somebody else drew pictures for me and I like it when other people draw pictures for me. I wanted it to run this week, but that’s apparently not an option, because it has to be reviewed by somebody and they have to tell me if they approve of my ad or not, and I haven’t heard back from them yet. But that’s okay, because now at least I have a cool graphic at the top of my website.

Speaking of my website, I have another thing coming. My goal is to build me a real website instead of this blogging thing. Nothing wrong with blogging, per se, you understand, I just want to have a little more control over things like how many different articles are on the front page, and how they’re arranged and things like that. Here is my first attempt. Take care to ooh and ahh over the Archive. Actually, it’s really bad webdesign. It should be done with a template and a database, but I don’t know the first thing about website databases. I barely know the first thing about databases at all. So every little link is its own little web page that happens to look like all the others. Anyone who wants to volunteer to help me is more than welcome. I need help, man. Really bad, man…

Eventually, once I get everything fully operational, I’m going to add a bulletin board system and launch into a full fledged webpage. (I kinda feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff when I say that.)

Nothing more to say, really. Homework s me. I homework.
If anybody wants to put my banner up on their site somewhere, feel free. Tell me about it, and I’ll post a note telling people everybody else.

Shutting up now.
KB

Why do you mourn

Why do you mourn, oh starlett one?
Why do you gaze towards the horizon?
Why do you weep, oh weary one,
With your eyes toward the sea?

Why do you sigh
Like a mother never see her son again?
Why do you moan, stoop shouldered
With your eyes toward the sea?

Did you give your life and heart
To someone who would fail you?
Or did you simply learn the name
Of the One who found me?

(10-06-98)

Interesting thing about this poem: There are two lines at the bottom of it, in my note book, which are crossed out. They read, “I see it now/ I was destitute, I was dying.” I guess I just couldn’t think of anywhere to go with that idea in this particular poem. Now, it’s been a long time since I looked in this particular notebook, so I didn’t remember those extra lines at all. But I thought, well gee, that line looks familiar. So I did a little search and found this one. Apparently those two lines sat in my craw like a bit of sand in an oyster until finally… So I thought that was interesting. And I’m kicking myself now, because I have no idea when I wrote the other poem. I should have put the dates up when I was posting them. It never occurred to me that I would deliberately delete all my stuff on my computer. Continue reading “Why do you mourn”