A Little Lack

It is a peculiar quality of my religion
That it holds the broken reed above the straight one
(as no musician would).
The smoking flax is greater than the bright one
Because it cannot help but to announce
That something in its life is lacking.

As something in my life is always lacking.

So it comes as no great shock to me
To find that I am reaching for perfection
And yet to find that I am never quite achieving it.
This little lack is all I have, sometimes,
That draws me back to Him
Who makes my heart to breathe.

One thought on “A Little Lack”

  1. I think there was more of it, but every time I tried to write it, it turned into a discussion of why I hated my poetry class last semester. A great deal of that had to do with the fact that I was trying, very deliberately, to be as secular as possible “so they could understand me.” Ignoring the fact that moderating yourself so that people will understand you never really works, the true fact is that I didn’t really understand myself at the time. You see, my heart and mind weren’t really seeing eye to eye.

    In fact, they weren’t really getting along well at all. It was pretty rough. They kept arguing about things. There was the name calling, and the blame shifting, and I, their poor godchild, kept feeling like it was all my fault. There was some talk even about breaking up, getting a divorce. I think it was mostly my mind who was the disgruntled one, didn’t like the way my heart was doing all the leading in the relationship. Then my heart would get all whiney, and start crying, and all that self-pity mess, basically guilt tripping my mind, I think. I really felt stuck in between them. I kept having to hear both sides of it. It wasn’t pretty at all. Anyway, they basically separated for a little while, tried to “see other people,” that sort of thing. Fortunately, I think after a little cooling period, they both realized that they couldn’t really start over with anybody else. They need each other too much now. So my heart has moved back in and we’re trying to pick back up where we left off, which has been really good for me, the happy godchild. You’ve never seen someone more messed up than a person whose heart and mind are divorced. My heart still tends to be a little domineering, and tries to jerk the reigns a little too hard, but usually my mind is able to calm her back down. We’re not perfect, but I think we’ll be okay.

    Like

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