I’ve been on a soap kick lately. Usually I don’t go in for bar soap. I like the scrubby gel stuff. But I was at the Body Shop the other day and saw they had a bar soap version of my favorite face wash and I figured, what the hey. So I bought the soap. And I used it, and it was good.
But then my tiny little bar of soap ran out. I suspect it wasn’t designed for full-body use. It was just a little two-inch bar. But it ran out, and I was already in the habit of using a bar of soap in the shower. So I looked down and I saw this other bar of soap that I’d had for a while and decided that it would do.
I think it was originally some kind of bathstuff gift to Valerie that somehow got to my place and never got used… um, because she doesn’t usually take baths at my place. But I figured somebody had better go ahead and use the stuff or we might as well throw it away. So I used it.
It was some kind of “moisturizing” hand-made stuff with giant swirls of purple that smelled like lavender. But it lathered and got me clean. And then I stepped out of the shower and my first thought was, “wow, I need deodorant.” My second thought was that maybe lavender swirls and male body odor were never meant to go together.
So I plastered the deodorant on thick this morning, and considered pasting the stuff over every inch of my body that I had previously desecrated with lavender swirls. I decided against it on the basis that two wrongs don’t make a right. And contorting my body around in front of the bathroom mirror while lathing deodorant on parts of my body where normally it would never go definitely counts as a wrong in my book.
As a result, today I smell like a purple flower, and I am carefully avoiding any kind of activity which might incite me to sweat, thereby forcing me to smell like purple flowers draped on a stinky horse. With any luck no one will stand close enough to me today to notice either way.
I have also sworn off ever again using any kind of soap which has been clearly designed for a woman.