About seven years ago, I left hearth and home and moved a thousand miles away to go to a ministry school and be a member of the only church in the world that was doing it right. By “doing it right,” I don’t mean that I expected everybody in my new church to be sinless. I mean that I expected the church not to hesitate in pursuit of the glory of God. I was convinced that the biggest flaw in any given congregation was that either the leadership, or the congregation as a whole, was unwilling to make the radical decisions necessary to become the kind of people God wanted us to be. Where I was going, there was a unanimous agreement to make those kinds of wholehearted decisions.
I got burned out.
Actually, it’s not quite as simple as it sounds. What it really boils down to is that I was exposed to a whole range of situations where, though everyone was willing, and everyone wholeheartedly gave themselves to the task at hand, *I* felt increasingly disjointed from the rest of the church. “Disenfranchised” seems like an awfully strong word to use, but it felt more and more that if I was going to have a participatory role in the church, it wasn’t going to be in conjunction with that church. I felt invited to become a very enthusiastic member of the audience, even while people were *saying* they wanted to give the congregation the tools to be more effective. I was to be *effective* in ministry in the individual sense, but I wasn’t expected to *affect* the church in a corporate sense.
Corporate direction for the church was tacitly expected to come from God alone. This sounds pretty good until you realize that God never does anything in the earth without first telling somebody, and historically (and biblically) the person that he tells isn’t guaranteed to already be in a position of leadership. The leadership of my church was so insulated, there wasn’t really any effective means of even telling them they were insulated. As someone who thought he was training for ministry, the idea was pretty discouraging.
So I left.
I had never left a church before. I had moved and *had* to change churches to avoid a 5 hour commute, but I’ve never left a church simply because I didn’t approve. It was very odd. Not only had I never left a church before, but I grew up in a tradition where it was normal to seek a blessing from the church. I didn’t seek a blessing either. I probably could have done this if I didn’t have a bitterness problem, but honestly, I figured nobody’d notice. *Personally* they’d miss me, but corporately, the flavor of the church wouldn’t noticeably change. I’ve visited a few times since then. It hasn’t.
When I left my old church, I was overwhelmed with a terrible sense that something had gone horribly wrong. No doubt something had. I’m a good boy. I’ve been raised right. You just don’t leave your church that God has placed you in simply because you feel like leaving. The odd thing was, I was convinced that the problem wasn’t me. I can look at it now and be super-spiritual and say “God called me there for a time, and then He called me to leave.” But when I left, it wasn’t because I felt the Holy Spirit’s call to “someplace else.” Instead I felt like all my bones were out of joint. I couldn’t have heard God speak to me if He had used a bullhorn. I only knew I couldn’t stay.
Did God call me to leave? No. Not really. I just couldn’t stay. I was either going to leave, or I was going to become a problem, because I wasn’t going to be able to shut up about it.
I made mistakes at my church. Hoo boy, did I make mistakes. But the mistakes I made were dumb mistakes, and the nice thing about dumb mistakes is that they blow up in your face on the spot. When you make a dumb mistake you know immediately that you made the mistake, and what the mistake was. Dumb mistakes do not result in disenfranchisement, except in combination with other, more structural flaws.
So ever since I left that church, my focus has been less on zealous enthusiasm, and more on structure. Structure isn’t nearly so exciting as zeal, but it’s less likely to lead you around like a ring in the nose of a bull.
neumatikos 
well, it’s better to leave than become a problem since one of the seven things God hates is someone who spreads strife among brothers. Structure vs. enthusiasm? Either one can be deadly but I personally think enthusiasm is easier to bring into line that it is to bring structure to life. I don’t think God intends it to be an either/or scenario. And as Rick Joyner has pointed out so many times, it would have been a small think for the Lord to have laid out a blueprint of how to do church but he chose not to.
I’m looking at the opposite situation at the moment. Our leadership seems to have structured our Worship Leaders out and if rumor be true are planning on scaling down the service to make it more attractive to a middle-age market group.
I admit I’m middle-age but between you and me, I’d rather have enthusiasm [considering that to be enthused means to be filled with God] 🙂
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Ok. I tried this once and it didn’t really work for me. So I’ll try again…
I agree with you that it can’t be an either-or situation. Both structure and energy are necessary at the same time to sustain life. Lose either one and it’s all gone.
But I’m starting to disagree with Rick Joyner that the Bible doesn’t give anything resembling a blueprint for church government. There’s no order of service written out, but there are actually some pretty clear descriptions about authority, separation of roles, and openness and accountability even in the leadership. For instance, the apostles asking someone else to appoint deacons to take care of the more administrative functions of the church, and Paul confronting Peter about refusing to associate with gentile Christians.
But even if there is no clear “blueprint” from scripture, we know very well that some forms of government are better than others. For instance representative democracy beats out dictatorship with hardly a fight. And don’t forget that famous adage, “Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.”
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Just because you mentioned it not because it’s worth a debate but I’ve been questioning lately that quote about “absolute power” — it’s my current opinion that it can only corrupt the corruptable….God himself has absolute power. Jesus when He comes again will rule with a rod of iron but be absolutely incoruptable. I meantion this because it’s such an accepted bit of nonsense that the only person you can trust with power is someone who doesn’t want it, which of course eliminates every elected official in the country since they all had to seek office. — it was a bit of rewriting that I didn’t particularly agree with in the Lord of the Rings movies. In the books, as you know, Aragorn fully intended to be King. [same idea was presented in Gladiator….it’s currently accepted as an undeniable fact but I think it’s wrong]
It’s probably just knee-jerk on my part but when I think of churchs with the idea of structure being the primary goal, I do tend to think “lifeless” & “controling”. I remember Doug White telling a story of being called in by his deacons to explain his position on the Holy Spirit. He asked for a Bible and beginning in Genesis, read scripture after scipture through to revelation….only to have one of the men say, “Well, that may be what the Bible says but that’s not what we believe here.” I’m sure that’s not what you’re after but I am concerned it might be what you get. My other concern is another thing I learned from Doug White — to not minister out of un-healed wounds. And wounds are tricky things. They can lie dormant and fly beneath our radar, or we call them by other names but they can rise up when we least expect it and bite us on the behind. Which is something else I seem to be observing in my own “structure” situation right now– decisions made out of woundings. Offense is such a dangerous thing.
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G’day from Oz,
I understand the angst and confusion you have experienced and face w.r.t. Church, Church life, leadership and all that goes with them. I understand becasue I have also tasted many of the things you have, and felt decidedly replused by it all. I also struggle/d with “leaving” — it just wasn’t done!
Yet, in all I read I notice you mainly were talking about your relationship with “the Church” and how it did (or didn’t) do/live/perform/relate/whatever, in your view. And I can appreciate it all. But, I think you will just be heading down another path of many years to unfulfilment and anxiety if you continue as you are going. I say this (and I could be wrong) because you said, at the end, “So ever since I left that church, my focus has been less on zealous enthusiasm, and more on structure.”
My suggestion is that you will only end up with the same personal issues of frustration and lack of fulfilment but with a different framework of reference, i.e. ‘structure’.
I’ve been to and involved in Churches that have tried to stucture themselves into blessing, into revival, into conformity, into unity; this effort and desire has been an activity and intention of the Church’s members, either explicitly, implicitly, or by complicity. My view is that they fail ultimately, and after a lot of unnecessary pain in the meantime, simply because they don’t focus on “GOD” (I ask you and myself here, “Remember Him? He’s the One in charge, not us and our idea!”).
Yeah, sure, they/we say we do this and that because God this or that, etc, etc. But, when it gets down to it there is nothing like a deep and abiding *personal* relationship with our Redeemer, for it, for He, addresses everything of concern in our lives and, frankly, the Church can’t do that! It can’t come within a bull’s roar, either, no chance. Read Isaiah 40:27-31 and you will understand what I am saying. Our lives and the life of the chuch has to be about HIM, HIM, HIM.
I assure you that if you drop all the effort and anxiety to try and sort the Church out and get it correct, and theology, and programs, and structure, form, method, etc, and concentrate on the YOU AND HIM … HE will sort out the rest for you, including HOW YOU are to RELATE to the Church. What you may very well find is that most all that you are concerned about will fade as he shows you what is really important, and what and were he really wants you to be.
I see that you are a very creative person. Frankly, the Church of these days couldn’t give a fig for creative minds. And, quite possible because you are so creative you struggle with structure, not only in the Church but in your own life. Go with the way God has made you and especially not with the way the ‘Church’ wants or says you should be, nor with you trying to meet them on their terms. Find God’s terms for you, for the person deep down inside that no-one else really cares to much about, nor understands. Ask him to tell you who you are and what he wants you to do with who you are. You may just end up finding that your paycheck for your fulltime ministry won’ come from a church or a mission society, or whatever.
Sorry to dump this on you, but I feel you do want to get it right and that, as I see myself in you, I want you to be spared from all the religious crapology that goes by the name of ‘being a good and responsible Christian’ as imposed by so many others
One other thing, which I won’ go into here in great detail, especially as it is largely self-explanatory, is that it is GOD’s Church. The Church is NOT “our” Church or the “Leader’s” Church”, or the “Denomination’s” Church, or the “Member’s” Church, or even the “Church’s” Church. It is HIS CHurch and HE is responsible for it. It is not for us to usurp his role or his responsibility for it and try and FIX it. It is not for anyone one of us to control it either, regardeless of what we see right or wrong with it
If I have it wrong, dear friend, then I genuinely invite you to email me back and give me an earful.
May the Master of the Universe lead you into Himself.
Peter
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