Tag: It’s Supposed to Be Funny

I know that I promised to put up some pictures of our new aparpartment and surroundings. I’ve taken some, but I’m not done tweaking them yet. Just so’s you know that I haven’t forgotten, here’s a picture of our pets:

Honore is on the left and Benedict is on the right.

> The curriculum of the M.Div. degree, therefore, seeks to **[inculcate](http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/archive/2003/06/23.html)** in students knowledge and ability to …

Inculcate:

To teach and impress by frequent repetition or instruction. Inculcate is from Latin inculcare, “to tread upon, to force upon,” from in-, “in, on” + calcare, “to trample,” from calx, calc-, “heel.”

That is, to inculcate is to grind a concept into somebody, preferably with the heel. Wowsers.

*”Mommy… I don’t wanna be inculcated.”
“Hush child, it’s good for you.”*

Valerie has accused me, on occasion, of being against doctors. This is a grave and serious crime for someone who is marrying a person who wants to **be** a doctor. I have assured her that this is not the case. The problem is not that I don’t like doctors, it’s that I’m not very good at the physical realm. Give me metaphysics any day. I’m very inclined to be one of those Manichaen types who call the physical bad, the spiritual good, and have done with it. Alas that I am addicted to truth and know that it cannot be so. God created the physical realm, and called it good, and it has ever been so. Nevertheless, I’m not good *at* the physical realm.

I am, however, decent in economics, and I hate the insurance industry. By my keen understanding, it looks more like a cartel than an industry to me. Case in point: It’s my understanding that my place of work pays an average of about $15,000 per year per employee for medical benefits. What we have is supposed to be really good coverage. I couldn’t tell you the difference. But I can tell you that $15 K is 60% of my wages. I’m getting married in 2 months. I’d love to take a gamble have them give me half of that $15,000 and waive the insurance. I’m not at risk for cancer or heart disease. Seven thousand dollars would be a lot more useful to me than to visit a well-paid man in a white coat so he can tell me I’m not sick.

I did visit the nice man in the white coat, by the way Continue reading “I’m Daft at Medicine, or Why I Don’t Do Drugs.”

Being a science nerd from the south, I absolutely loved this:
Continue reading “Redneck lingo”

I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South. I challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:
Continue reading “REDNECK CHALLENGE”

My gma E. sent me a fun little email….can you hit the penguine?

Valerie – my fiancé – has this… fetish… with milk.

I don’t get it. I’m just not into that sort of thing. Now, I like milk. I like it in my coffee, and in my cheese; I like it in yogurt and chocolate bars. I even like it straight – with 3 or 4 tablespoons of Ovaltine mixed in. But Valerie – whew! – she likes *milk*. Just milk. I have personally seen her drink a full gallon of milk over a period of a weekend. Straight. No chocolate syrup or pancakes (which need washing down) or anything. Just straight milk. It’s… it’s… eww!

So. I came into the room the other day and was picking up some thing and as I was heading out, she said, “wait!” and grabbed her glass of milk. Now, I try to stay pretty tolerant of my darling’s little habits, but this was way too much. She wanted me to take her glass into the kitchen, which glass was still mostly full. Her solution was to drink the *entire* thing – just guzzle it – right there on the spot. Right in front of me.

It’s not so much that she was drinking milk in front of me. I’ve gotten used to that. It’s the fact that she was going to slosh it all down like it was lemonade on a hot summer day, like it was Gatorade and she’d just finished competing in the Olympics, like it was **all** ***O-K***. Really.

And I watched her as she poured it down, as if swallowing wasn’t even necessary, and I’d had enough. I had to say something.

So I said the most condescending thing I knew to say:

“Milk guzzling is approbatious.”

“What?” she said.

“Milk guzzling… is… approbatious.”

“Okay. What does that mean?”

“It means… worthy of approbation,”

“And? What does that mean?”

“Scorn. Derision. Something like that… Um, I think.” I said, frantically scurrying. This was not turning out as I had planned.

“Uh huh.” She raised a quizzical eyebrow, once again prooving her superiority. I have no quizzical eyebrow -raising capacity, a fact which she constantly throws againt me. “”Why don’t you go look it up?” she asked.

“Alright… Where did you hide my dictionary?”

(This was the moment of truth for me. I’m the wordy one. I like being the wordy one. I like words. But sometimes I overshoot a little and throw out a word that I’ve heard somewhere when I only have a partial idea how to use it. Usually I can catch it. Usually it means exactly what I intended. But sometimes… sometimes…)

I found the dictionary and brought it to the bedroom. And I looked up my newfound word of condescension.

“Here it is. Approbation… Approval.”

I ducked my head and left the room to the sound of pealing laughter. Somehow, I have the feeling that our milk budget may exceed the means of your average lexicologist.

One of the things my company does is to give out a monthly free offer. Usually it’s a Christian book or CD that we think people might like. It’s just a nice way of keeping in touch with our donor base. These books aren’t only available to previous donors, but to anyone who asks. However, sending a free book requires taking down your name and address, and in today’s telemarketer sensitive, spam weary world, that can be a touchy issue. People can always request not to be put on our mailing list even though they’ve requested the free offer, but some people are still too afraid to trust us.

Today I saw an order that took the cake: The order was for our most recent offer, and the address was valid. But the name listed was “Leto Atreides”

Leto Atreides happens to be a character in the *Dune* science fiction series.