Physical

Jeff stared: Surrounded by the usual crusty slop of a school nurse’s office was a fish tank, populated with 3-inch poodles, their gray-green hair wafting in the water. The nurse laughed.

“Soto’s poodles. Gotta love ’em. Those Bolivians did some crazy things before the war, didn’t they?” She leaned in conspiratorially. “He bred these at the beginning, before they got really good at it. They say he drowned 10,000 poodles before he found one that could breathe water.”

“But… That’s not how you do…”

“Oh lay off. It’s a legend. It doesn’t have to be true. Now let’s have a look at you. Have a seat. Unbutton your shirt”

Jeff sighed. Fifty years ago, the medical profession was a highly respected industry, like telepathy, or blacksmiths in ancient times. Now, who knew where this bimbo got her certification? Anybody could do this stuff.

As the nurse stared at his various parts and waved her wand over him, Jeff looked around. In the three years he’d been in college, he’d never actually come in for his physical. He wasn’t sure exactly how he’d managed to avoid it. The place was a mess, covered in dirt and old food wrappers, half-eaten meals, all evidence of the anti-microbial field in effect. Worst machine ever invented: it sterilized without cleaning. He sniffed. An engineer would never work in such clutter.

“Now let’s have a look at those reflexes,” the nurse said. She pulled out a small metal hammer and tapped his knee.

Instantly, his kneecap shot up six inches from his knee, the skin ripping away in searing pain. At the same time, an electric twinge went up his spine as he fell back in a spasm. Reflexively, he tried to straighten his legs, but the malfunctioning knee refused to let him, grinding against the femur.

“Whoa! Kinda twitchy, aren’t we? Let’s see what we’ve got going on here.” chuckled the nurse. She pressed a hypo to his thigh, and the pain stopped. As he sat up, she gripped the tattered skin on the underside of his knee and ripped, pulling it down his leg to reveal a complex piece of metal. The skin sagged around his ankle like a sock.

Jeff wanted to vomit. “When did I get that?”

“Few years ago. Freak accident. You said you didn’t want to remember. There we are! I thought that was getting a little flaky last year.” She tweaked something, then shoved the kneecap back into place, rolled the skin back up the leg, and waved her wand over the wound. The skin healed over. “All done!”

Gingerly, Jeff stepped off the mat. Everything felt… normal. Slowly he walked to the door.

“Here. Have one on me.” The nurse tossed a packet to him. The label said, Forget me shots: instant amnesia. Jeff suddenly realized why he couldn’t remember his other physicals.

“You know,” said the voice behind him. “You really shouldn’t take those. You miss all the best parts. Last year after looking you over, we had a great time, right in this room…”

He ran out, slamming the door to muffle her cackling.

Jane Galt on Socialization

“Socialization” impedes socialization:

Certainly, it is not evolutionarily normal for children to spend the majority of their time immersed in a peer group composed of people within a year of their own age. Nor is it probably healthy. Children act rather like animals when they’re in groups together. Not only the immaturity of adolescence, but the barbaric cruelty of much of it, may be due to the fact that herding children into a series of age-segregated activities profoundly retards the process of socialisation. If Judith Harris is right, and peer group effects dominate parental influence, we are in effect letting large groups of children raise each other.

Find Judith Harris. Buy me her book.

Athens, Jerusalem, and… Canaan?

Dan Edelen, one of my new pneumablogger reads, has a new post up at Cerulean Sanctum on their decision to send an only child to public school, rather than a local Christian school. The argument goes something like this:

Up till now, they’ve been homeschooling, but they’re starting to see evidence of socialization problems that, partly due to his being an only child, simply aren’t being solved by extracurricular activities. He needs to be in a fully socialized environment. But a friend of theirs has insisted that, by sending his kid to a public school, he’s essentially “handing him over to the Canaanites.”

Tertullian, the 2nd century church father once asked the famous question, “What has Athens to do with Jerusalem?” That is, why should we bother teaching our children philosophy and the classics when all they really need to know is the Bible? Dan takes this metaphor one step further and basically asserts that, Jerusalem or Athens, all of it is Canaan. That is, public or private school, classical or modern, no matter how you do it, Christians don’t have the privilege of living in a purely separate society. We still live in a secular society, we still have secular influences. The only real choice you get is **which** Canaan you live in. In a public school, there runs a real danger of your kids being exposed to harmful ideas: unchastity, deceitfulness, vengefulness, violence. But these are obvious dangers; they can be targeted and exposed a hundred yards off. In a private school which proports to be Christian, there are just as many dangers – there are just as many fallen people – but their unchristian nature may be more subtle and difficult to weed out.

So far so good, and if he’d stopped there, I’d be singing the praises of Dan Edelen. Continue reading “Athens, Jerusalem, and… Canaan?”

Pneumasphere Review

[Rich Tatum](http://www.tatumweb.com/blog/), formerly a web designer at Christianity Today, has a penchant for organizing things. And being a Pentecostal blogger, he’s been organizing the “pneumasphere” for a while now, and providing a valuable service in the process. He’s got the most comprehensive list of quality charismatic bloggers available, and [any number of tools]( http://tatumweb.com/blog/2007/04/06/pneuma-stuff/) to filter through them. Most recently, he’s come up with a list of the [top 20 most influential pneumabloggers]( http://tatumweb.com/blog/2007/04/10/top-twenty/#top-20), based on [Technorati]( http://technorati.com/) rankings. No, I’m not in the top 20. But I was shocked to discover that I didn’t even *recognize* most of the people who are.

So I scanned through some of them, and found some interesting posts I thought I’d share:

**[The Gospel is Their Home](http://mymiscellanies.blogspot.com/2007/03/gospel-marriage-of-theology-and.html)**
Rob Wilkerson on Theology and Experience

**[One More Added to the Kingdom](http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/revivalblog/~3/101940453/)**
A story of the Holy Spirit working in a way that I really miss.

**[Dramatic Drop in Murder after Prayer](http://sprucegoose.blogspot.com/2007/01/dramatic-drop-in-murder-after-dc-prayer.html)**
In July of last year, the Christian Defense Coalition held a 24-hour prayer meeting in Washington, DC. Six months later, the murder rate is down 27%. Coincidence?

**[God of Bartlets](http://pen-of-the-wayfarer.blogspot.com/2007/03/have-you-heard-voice-of-god.html)**

If a human author wrote a book explaining, perhaps, his life, and then I were to call up this author and want to talk further with him about what he wrote, I would think it very bizarre if the author only answered me with quotes from his book,
never saying anything else, but finding little snippets to reply to me from the
published work. It would be very awkward and not very personal. I would wonder
about the author and how much he really wanted to interact with me.

I remember when some Russian believers emigrated to our neighborhood
from the old Soviet Union where they were persecuted. We “adopted” them but
when we first met we had no means of communicating with each other. The only way we figured out to communicate was to use each other’s bibles (theirs in Russian and ours in English) to point out our general intents and feelings. It was well-meaning, but limited. (We put a scripture citation on their birthday cake and they read it and cried!)

Alpha Male

That’s not my term; it’s Valerie’s. The word to me draws up pictures of Gorillas in the forest. But the other night, as we were driving home, I was whining about the fact that I have so few friends, particularly guy friends. Due to a weird quirk in my personality, not having a lot of friends doesn’t normally affect me so much – I don’t get lonely. But what bothers me is that it seems pretty consistent that whenever I meet somebody I think I ought to be able to get along with, I don’t like them. This is particularly true when the person is a guy with any kind of position or prestige, or strong character. Almost inevitably, I don’t like them: they’re too harsh, too rude, too proud, too wrongheaded, too unopen to correction. Normally, I like to think of myself as an easygoing kind of guy, but it seems like I have something in me that rebels whenever I think I ought to make a friend, and I just can’t get along with half the men I meet.

Valerie summed it up in two words: “Well Kyle,” she said, “You’re an alpha male. And these other men you keep having problems with, they’re alpha males also, and you recognize that in them – it’s part of what makes you think you ought to get along so well. But when you see them leading in ways you don’t approve of, it sets off triggers so that you want to fix them.” Of course, being a dutiful wife, she also assured me that all my judgments about these other men are of course correct, that the things they’re doing that get under my skin are betrayals of their weak character, and that I’m perfectly justified in disliking them. In short, I am the very image of Jane Austen’s Mr. Knightly, and not merely a jerk with control issues, which gratified me immensely. But in one step she punched my equality button and registered an incipient dislike of silverback gorillas.

Continue reading “Alpha Male”

Terrible God

I’m sure your rss reader has been flooded the last few days with posts on Easter; I know mine has. And yet I feel guilty posting on all the other things we’ve been writing about and seemingly going on as if we had no regard for the most important Christian holiday of the year. I’ve wanted to say something, but I haven’t had anything particularly arresting to say.

No longer. In church this morning the Easter sermon was on the unlikely text of Revelation 5:9-10

“Worthy are you to take the scroll

   and to open its seals,

for you were slain, and by your blood you ransomed people for God

   from every tribe and language and people and nation,

and you have made them a kingdom and priests to our God,

   and they shall reign on the earth.”

Patrick, our pastor, preached today what I believe was a terrific sermon, but I was lost around point 3 as I was struck by the terrible nature of the God we serve.

By terrible, I don’t mean evil, but frightening, incomprehensible, awe inspiring. Here is a God who will stop at nothing to get what he wants. The 24 elders and four living creatures say to the lamb, the Son of God, “worthy are you to take the scroll and to open its seals, for you were slain, and by your blood you ransomed people for God.” Why did Jesus offer himself up on the cross? Because God the Father told him too. Because God wanted *men* (people), and the blood of the righteous Son of God was the price for them that was set by our sin. Continue reading “Terrible God”

Seth Godin and Preaching

Seth Godin has an article up on [Really Bad PowerPoint]( http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2007/01/really_bad_powe.html) that speaks (I think) directly to the task of preaching. It’s simple; it’s good, and you should read it.

I swear, when I am pastor of a church, I am going to hire Seth Godin and have him train my evangelists. I am not kidding. I am going to have conferences on preaching and evangelism (and maybe even worship and spiritual formation) and have him come and speak at a round table forum right next to John Piper. And I’m not even sure he’s a Christian.

I don’t know particularly that he would be interested in participating in a religious seminar, but he’s got a message that a lot of Christian speakers need to hear. Preaching is made up of two parts – the message that you are trying to get across, and the way that message is communicated. For the first part, Christians have a process called exegesis, which basically can be summed up as reading your bible, and reading it well. But for the second part, a lot of people seem to think that all that’s required is a clear, succinct transmission of the information the pastor has acquired in his study. As Mr. Godin says, “If all you want to do is create a file of facts and figures, then cancel the meeting and send in a report.”

Seriously: pastors, if all you want to do is get information into the heads of your congregants, then cancel church, and send everybody an email. Start a blog, post your sermon, and spend Sunday helping the poor. Why not? Are you going to tell me that the reason you have to speak your sermon is because you have to make sure that every one stays to listen to you? Is preaching preferable to reading because it’s an accountability scheme in disguise? Are you going to tell me that the reason you must speak your message is that some people in your congregation are aural rather than visual learners? Send out a poll and ask them whether they’d really prefer to sit and listen to somebody talk for half an hour, rather than read 6-10 pages of text. If it’s more than 10 percent, I’ll be really surprised.

In the reformation, it was common to hear people insist that the sermon was absolutely necessary precisely because so many people in the church could not read. In America in the 21st century, that’s not exactly the case any more, is it? In fact, reading levels were so low that many considered it of the highest priority simply to get the local parson literate, and let him read a sermon that was cribbed from somebody else. Again, in the modern West, that isn’t a very good argument, is it? My pastor insists that the preaching (and hearing) of the sermon is the highest point in our worship service, a point that I’m not quite ready to concede. But even if that’s the case, how great can this worship be if the highest point of our worship could easily be done as effectively at home?

The answer, of course, is that preaching is not merely about transferring information. It’s selling something. And when you’re selling something, you want to get a response. Robert Webber says that all worship can be boiled down to revelation and response. God reveals his nature, his character, his purposes, and we respond accordingly – first in the service itself, and finally in our lives. As Seth Godin says, “Communication is the transfer of emotion. Communication is about getting others to adopt your point of view, to help them understand why you’re excited (or sad, or optimistic or whatever else you are.)”

Frankly, I can’t think of a single thing in his post on PowerPoint that doesn’t apply to preaching.

Do You Weep?

For the past couple of days I’ve been listening to a teaching on Jeremiah 9:17–19:

This is what the Lord Almighty says: ‘Consider now. Call for the wailing women to come. Send for the most skillful of them. Let them come quickly and wail over us until our eyes overflow with tears and water streams from our eyelids.’ The sound of wailing is heard in Zion. ‘How ruined we are! How great is our shame.’

…and this morning was really good. Continue reading “Do You Weep?”

God Speaking

There’s a certain kerfuffle going on right now over the phrase “God still speaks today.” It seems to have been started by an anonymous article in Christianity Today, titled “My Conversation with God,” in which a conservative seminary professor described with awe and wonder the experience of God directing him to dedicate the proceeds from a book toward a friend’s college tuition. The author seems to have wished to remain anonymous either to avoid turning the article into a fund raising scheme, or because he was fearful of an anti-charismatic backlash.

Of course, there has been something of a backlash. Among other things, John Piper, who I understand is *not* anti-charismatic, or even a cessationist *per se*, wrote an article last week, in which he described having a similar experience:

As I prayed and mused, suddenly it happened. God said, “Come and see what I have done.” There was not the slightest doubt in my mind that these were the very words of God. In this very moment. At this very place in the twenty-first century, 2007, God was speaking to me with absolute authority and self-evidencing reality. I paused to let this sink in. There was a sweetness about it. Time seemed to matter little. God was near. He had me in his sights. He had something to say to me. When God draws near, hurry ceases. Time slows down.

At first, I was very pleased to read about John Piper’s experience, until he transitioned about half way down and made it clear that he wasn’t talking about the same sort of experience described in Christianity Today. He was describing an experience he had reading his Bible, what you might refer to as a “quickening” of the text.

Honestly, my first thought was that he was mocking the other man’s experience: he used the same kind of tone and phrasing, and deliberately concealed the true nature of his experience until it was revealed in a startling sort of way. In fact, his efforts at concealment were thorough enough that, looking back up the article, it becomes clear the experience could not have happened *precisely* in the way he described it: “So I sat down on a couch in the corner to pray. As I prayed and mused, suddenly it happened. God said, “Come and see what I have done.” Of course, it didn’t happen suddenly at all. He opened his Bible, turned to Psalm 66, and prayerfully read the text.

Perhaps it was a moving experience. Perhaps the Holy Spirit was there, quickening those words to him, and filling them with more meaning than he had ever realized before. I have no reason to believe otherwise. But it doesn’t fall in to the same category it would have if the words of Psalm 66 had fallen into his head, unbidden, and he had only later realized they were the exact words of scripture.

Reading through the rest of the article, you discover that John Piper’s real purpose in writing was to castigate the author of the Christianity Today article, not for having an experience, but for treating that experience with the amazement that it was due. Continue reading “God Speaking”