Epiphany

“I fink I’ve just had an apostrophe”
“I think you mean an epiphany”

Either way, it’s not a new revelation, but something I always forget people don’t already know about me. I read a lot. And, being a good little Christian, I read my Bible a lot. Especially the psalms. I really like the psalms. I’m a worship fruitcake. And no, that doesn’t mean I’m gay. That means I’m mad crazy about Jesus and love singing worship songs. I just counted, and of the 75 poems I actually have on my computer, 26 of them are actually songs. That’s about 35%. But, having read my bible too much as a child, I tend to think in biblical imagery and make lots and lots of scriptural references. This is okay for the most part, but it leads to some complications after a while. I forget sometimes that people don’t sit around thinking in ancient middle eastern mindsets. So sometimes I’ll write a song that I really really like and then I’ll realize… no, that sounds like a homosexual love poem. It’s totally religious, but to a non-religious mind it doesn’t sound that way. It’s that technicolor thing kicking in again.

Somewhere I think I still have the poem where I was making standard scripture-like references to different body parts as the seats of different emotions and it ended up with me asking for bowels made of iron. I think I was aiming for something to do with courage, but it came out sounding like a dysentry problem. Yeah. I decided right then and there that I was going to have to make some adjustments before I went the way of William Blake. “Great Poet, but the boy makes no sense.” Took me about a year to completely switch, and I’m still not getting it right. I’ve got an entire episodic allegory about the bride and the bridegroom and the end times and stuff that I just dropped. My writing style shifted so much that I haven’t figured out how to finish the story. I have to re-write the old stuff, and I haven’t figured out how to do it without about half the meaning.

I think I went through a major theological shift in there somewhere as well, which hasn’t made it any easier. But I can’t quite really tell. It’s all bundled up in there together with the I was engaged to who broke up with me.

Long story. It’ll make a great essay sometime. Anyway, that’s sort of a long responce to a comment by SomeoneSpecial earlier today.

The Fire Inside Me

What am I supposed to do
With the fire I find inside of me,
That lifts the leaves of my awareness
And yet is not my own?

How could I subdue the flame
That burns beyond my regulation
The living light that is inside me
And cannot be my own?

I am enthralled by mystery
The fire that I cannot control
That burns within and is outside of me
And yet is not my own.

Hot off the presses! Yeah. I just wrote this poem about five minutes ago, as I was trying to explain to myself why it is that I will write poetry, even though I know it’s not exactly a profitable market. Do you ever have that happen to you? I know you do. This little imaginary guy shows up and tells you why you’re wrong and suddenly you’re on the defensive against a figment. Those figments are evil, because they know you really can’t get revenge on them. Right? You know you’ve been there, right? C’mon now… don’t leave me hanging…. Oh fine. Be that way. I’m the only one who ever actually argues with his figments. Anyway, I was trying to argue with my figment and I said (out loud, I think), “Well, what am I supposed to do with the fire I find inside of me?” And that shut him up pretty well. And the rest is… well the rest is in that there poem right cher.

Theosophy

If everyone were perfect, no one would be free.

At some point there must be a line between liberty and the injunction to “walk-uprightly.” If everyone exercised their rights to freedom, then no one would walk uprightly. God established this tension in the beginning when he made the two trees. By making the trees of life and of the knowledge of good and evil, he created an option to choose” the most basic freedom. “If you eat of this tree, you will surely die.” “Die” can easily be understood as “not live,” the opposite of the tree of life. Either-or, not both-and. A definite freedom of choice. A the same time, He made clear which is the right choice”Life. To this day everyone acknowledges the basic principles of freedom and righteousness. The debate always falls in the grey of what is right and how much freedom takes precedence over forced righteousness. What is wrong and how much wrong must be punished how severely in this lifetime.

God, we deem, adheres to the highest levels of both righteousness and freedom. Even the slightest smear of sin, according to Paul in his letter to the Romans, will send you into Hell. But at the same time, God himself has rarely interfered with people’s freedoms, or threatened punishment in this life. It is the civil hammer of society that insists that some freedoms are so offensive and disruptive that they must be hindered here on this earth. These are called crimes. The American ideal sets as a crime any expression of natural freedom which directly interferes with those of another. Many religions extend the term to apply to those things which may disrupt the peaceful flow of society, such as certain cultural expressions, or even health and hygiene. Some writers have expressed the idea that at certain times God has used society to curb certain extremes in this life.

In the end, though, the actual line drawing is still given to men. How much may we be free?

You Are My Offering

You are my sin offering
You are my first-fruits offering
You are my only offering
Is you

And I am free to offer up
Everything I have
When all I have to offer up
Is you

(3-1-00)

Some theology goes with this poem, I think: Correct me if I’m wrong, but my understanding is that, in the Old Testament, there were three basic kinds of sacrifice.

First was the sin offering, where an offering was made in substitution for what was owed to God. I commit a crime; I deserve punishment. The ideal repayment is that some or all of me must be destroyed to atone for my trespass. The sin offering made a substitution for my own life by offering up something to be completely destroyed in my place, the ideal example being a perfect, spotless, male yearling lamb.

The second kind of offering was the first fruits offering, where an offering was made in kind as a token of what was owed to God. The basic idea was that everything I have comes as a freely given gift from God. If it belongs to God, by all rights, I ought to give it to him. Unfortunately, the laws of nature (and of giving) prove that I can’t. If I give everything I have to God, and he keeps it all, I will die. This would sort of defeat the purpose of God providing for me in the first place. There’s also the scriptural principle that you can’t give more than God. He has assured us that he will abundantly return our gifts to him, so attempting to literally give everything to God simply leads to this vicious cycle. The solution is to give to God a portion (say, a tenth) of what he has given you, the first fruits of what you have gained from His benefits.

The third kind of offering is the wave offering. This offering has nothing to do with what is owed to God. This is the only truly free-will offering because it can only happen once all your real debts to God have been paid. If a person finds that he is particularly grateful to God for something, he finds some way to symbolically represent the thing that he is grateful for. He goes to the temple and he waves that symbol before the altar in the shape of a cross. It is entirely a ritual act, and has no value outside of its symbolism.

The cool thing is, two out of three of these offerings are covered by the of Jesus Christ. I think everyone who is basically familiar with the concepts of Christianity is aware that Jesus on the cross is the ultimate and final expression of the sin offering. The same goes for the first-fruits offering, in most ways. (I hesitate to say in the area of finances. That just occurred to me. Must think through…) There are scriptures (I forget where) that say that Jesus, as the first man that ever lived a wholly righteous life has become to God a kind of first-fruits of the sons of God that the whole earth is waiting for. Also, Jesus said that “unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and perishes, it yields no fruit. Jesus would be the seed that was planted, and he would be the first fruits of the harvest that is to come at the end of the age.

What can be left for us, then? Jesus said that the law prophesied until John and that not a jot would pass away from the law until all was fulfilled. (please forgive me for the lack of references. I’m doing this on the fly.) It would be a very easy thing to say that, if the laws of about sacrifices were a prophecy, then when that prophecy was completely fulfilled, then the sacrifice would pass away. Jesus was our sin offering, and lo-and-behold, all sacrifices for sin, the whole world over, have passed away. (I know, I can’t exactly say the same for the first fruits offering. I’ll leave it be for now. I don’t have time to properly do research.)

The only offering that’s really left for us is the wave offering, and what is every act of worship, but a symbolic act of gratefulness to him. Literally, worship is the only thing we have left to give Him…

It’s an interesting idea, anyway. That’s the sort-of theological basis for the first stanza. The second part is just a statement of fact: I can only give everything to God once I have laid aside everything I have, so that Jesus is all I have left to give Him.

Yeah. And it sounds so much better in poetry.

Blessings, all
KB

On that Day that I First Met You

On that day that I first met you
And I looked into your eyes
A fire settled in my heart.
You burdened me that day.

With a love so great as that, I felt
That I must learn to love as well
And I have been burdened
By the depth of your love

In the days that I have born
Since that frightful day
I have strained, I have burned, I have cried
No love so great as thine.

I cannot do it
To love so great as thee
To fulfill my burden
You must love through me

Gifts

I could give to you a thousand kisses—
Each kiss made
By the power in you
To take my sin from me

Or can I give to you my beauty—
When my er comes from purity,
The devotion to your holiness
That you have placed in me?

I could give to you my mind—
Which tinkers on, unclear
Except by the lightening power
Of your revealing word.

Or would you take my body—
This beaten, twisted thing?
It was you who, in your mercy
Restored my life to me.

I love you—
You know that, I suppose
But is there nothing I can give to you?
Some proof—a symbol of my love?

And yet I see a token
Resting in my mind—
A simple ring of gold
These simple words inscribed:

You are the branch
And I am the vine
You are grafted in me
And you are mine

The only thing that I can give to you
Is the one that you have given me—
The miracle that somehow
You are one with me.

I’ve Got to Know

I’ve got to know
What this life is for
And if you can tell me
What this life is for
Then it’s yours

And I know that when I hear
The whisperings of the breeze
I am listening to the whisperings of
The one who always sees

And I know that when I hear
The sighings of the birds
I am listening to the sighings of
One whose love is beyond words

metablog

There are some interesting debates going on online right now.Quiltinmomi and Fugitiveare having a very interesting (and well balanced) discussion of women’s rights and Feminism that I am finding absolutely fascinating.I’m at a little bit of a disadvantage because I’m not a and therefore have fewer feminist experiences with which to comment, but I still recommend that everyone check them out.It’s some good stuff.

Also, in another corner of the Internet universe, a debate is raging about the proper relationship between Christians and the world.Cadency and Coroloroare the main sites to look for this discussion.The focus is mainly (given the times) on whether Christians ought to participate in Halloween, and how, and why, but they are also touching on broader issues of what it means to be separate from the world and what it means to be holy.Now, this is an issue I would love to jump into, and I have, a little bit, by commenting on those sites.I’d really like to stop with the poetry for a while now and take a day and post an essay on my feelings on the topic.Unfortunately, I have about two written assignments due two days ago and three research papers coming up, and the essay I really want to write would take a minimum of two hours.I don’t think I can warrant the two hours.It’s really got me upset.Alas.Nevertheless, it’s a good issue to think and talk about.

Lastly, I read last night on microcontent newsabout a few websites that everybody interested in libraries, liberty, Napsterand the internet should want to know about.The Supreme Court has agreed to hear a case on the constitutionality of Congress continually extending the copyright.This has sprung up a fountainhead of debate about copyright, trademarks, and the public domain.I’m not even going to try to sum it all up here, but I would recommend you check out Lawrence Lessig’s blog of the constitutional debate.It may be a little dry but it will at least lead you to thisarticle on the book mobile that’s driving across the country printing public domain books right off the internet, and perhaps you’ll learn about Project Gutenberg, which hopes to get every public domain book available right on the internet, ready to print. Perhaps you’ll even read thisarticle about the Internet Archive Wayback Machinethat has kept a working copy of the entire internet since the latter part of 1996.Anyway, reading has been far more fun than writing lately.

On a personal note, my heater/AC unit is very loud.It’s a single unit in a very old building, and it’s one of those classic set ups where the heating and AC is really run by the entire building, so that the unit is either a heater or an air conditioner, but you don’t really have any control over which it is.A few days ago it switched to being a heater.Plus, the thing is very loud.The thermostat and the unit itself are separate, so that if you want it to work at all, you have to manually adjust the fan setting and then adjust the thermostat.Even if the fan is off, the heater may go on, generating lots of noise but no heat.This is doubly a bad thing, because, not only are you getting no temperature change and a lot of noise, it’s still based on a thermostat, so until the temperature does change, the noise goes on, keeping you up all night.There are two solutions to this problem.The first is to turn the fan on, so that eventually the heater goes off.The second is to whip the thermostat either to 65 or 90 so that it no longer thinks the room is too cold or too hot.This shuts it off immediately.

Rewind to last night, about 3 am.The fan is off and the heater is making that blasted noise and it wakes me up.I sleep on the top bunk.I’m very tired and only half awake.My roommate is catching a cold and planning on driving to Atlanta in the morning.This is proof that my roommate is out of his mind, but that’s a subject of a different debate.Nevertheless, in my sleepless stupor, I decided to wake my roommate up and tell him to get up and turn off the heater.I don’t know why I did this.Apparently he only adjusted the thermostat a little, because about an hour later, it went on again.And he got up again and made whatever adjustment it was he made.In my stupor (again) I decided that he obviously wasn’t understanding the adjustments that needed to be made, so I decided to get up after he went into the bathroom and adjust it again.And I did so, as part of the dream I was having. I dreamt myself off of the bunkbed, to the thermostat, but I don’t think I ever dreamt my self back into bed.Judge of my surprise when I found myself back in bed this morning and realized that I never actually got up.I apologized to my roommate for kicking him out of bed.I felt so stupid.

Anyway, blessings on all.I hope you have more fun on your weekend than I am planning on having on mine…

KB

Son of Man

Verse 1:
The son will set you free and you’ll be
You’ll be free indeed
And you’ll lift your eyes up to the place where
Where living water meets the sea

If any man will know the truth, then that
That truth will set him free
Well, I have known this Truth and I will say that
He is the King of Kings

We know that if we would see the Father
We must first look to the Son
And we are surely with You, Lord, our
Our hearts and minds are one.

Chorus:
We lift up our eyes
(To see the glory of the one who’s
Coming down to save us,
And Bow the knee unto the one who
Sits on the throne of David)

We lift up our eyes
(To Gaze upon the one who left it
All to be a servant unto us
And we will serve Him now forever
Because of what He’s done in us)

We lift up our eyes
To the Son of Man

*Note: The way this works is that the BGV’s or the Choir or whoever, sings “We lift up our eyes” and the lead sings the part in parentheses.

Verse 2:
And if we see the bitter jealousy that
Comes from living life with out the Son
We will walk in the grace of truth and love that
Cuts to the deepest parts

We will preach the gospel to them all
Beaten yes, not broken down
Bearing in our bodies yet, the a-
The afflictions of our Lord

Completing yet the burdens yes, that
That He alone could bear
That in the victory of His sufferings
We too might with him share…

(11-16-98)