I’ve got to know
What this life is for
And if you can tell me
What this life is for
Then it’s yours
And I know that when I hear
The whisperings of the breeze
I am listening to the whisperings of
The one who always sees
And I know that when I hear
The sighings of the birds
I am listening to the sighings of
One whose love is beyond words
There are some interesting debates going on online right now.Quiltinmomi and Fugitiveare having a very interesting (and well balanced) discussion of women’s rights and Feminism that I am finding absolutely fascinating.I’m at a little bit of a disadvantage because I’m not a and therefore have fewer feminist experiences with which to comment, but I still recommend that everyone check them out.It’s some good stuff.
Also, in another corner of the Internet universe, a debate is raging about the proper relationship between Christians and the world.Cadency and Coroloroare the main sites to look for this discussion.The focus is mainly (given the times) on whether Christians ought to participate in Halloween, and how, and why, but they are also touching on broader issues of what it means to be separate from the world and what it means to be holy.Now, this is an issue I would love to jump into, and I have, a little bit, by commenting on those sites.I’d really like to stop with the poetry for a while now and take a day and post an essay on my feelings on the topic.Unfortunately, I have about two written assignments due two days ago and three research papers coming up, and the essay I really want to write would take a minimum of two hours.I don’t think I can warrant the two hours.It’s really got me upset.Alas.Nevertheless, it’s a good issue to think and talk about.
Lastly, I read last night on microcontent newsabout a few websites that everybody interested in libraries, liberty, Napsterand the internet should want to know about.The Supreme Court has agreed to hear a case on the constitutionality of Congress continually extending the copyright.This has sprung up a fountainhead of debate about copyright, trademarks, and the public domain.I’m not even going to try to sum it all up here, but I would recommend you check out Lawrence Lessig’s blog of the constitutional debate.It may be a little dry but it will at least lead you to thisarticle on the book mobile that’s driving across the country printing public domain books right off the internet, and perhaps you’ll learn about Project Gutenberg, which hopes to get every public domain book available right on the internet, ready to print. Perhaps you’ll even read thisarticle about the Internet Archive Wayback Machinethat has kept a working copy of the entire internet since the latter part of 1996.Anyway, reading has been far more fun than writing lately.
On a personal note, my heater/AC unit is very loud.It’s a single unit in a very old building, and it’s one of those classic set ups where the heating and AC is really run by the entire building, so that the unit is either a heater or an air conditioner, but you don’t really have any control over which it is.A few days ago it switched to being a heater.Plus, the thing is very loud.The thermostat and the unit itself are separate, so that if you want it to work at all, you have to manually adjust the fan setting and then adjust the thermostat.Even if the fan is off, the heater may go on, generating lots of noise but no heat.This is doubly a bad thing, because, not only are you getting no temperature change and a lot of noise, it’s still based on a thermostat, so until the temperature does change, the noise goes on, keeping you up all night.There are two solutions to this problem.The first is to turn the fan on, so that eventually the heater goes off.The second is to whip the thermostat either to 65 or 90 so that it no longer thinks the room is too cold or too hot.This shuts it off immediately.
Rewind to last night, about 3 am.The fan is off and the heater is making that blasted noise and it wakes me up.I sleep on the top bunk.I’m very tired and only half awake.My roommate is catching a cold and planning on driving to Atlanta in the morning.This is proof that my roommate is out of his mind, but that’s a subject of a different debate.Nevertheless, in my sleepless stupor, I decided to wake my roommate up and tell him to get up and turn off the heater.I don’t know why I did this.Apparently he only adjusted the thermostat a little, because about an hour later, it went on again.And he got up again and made whatever adjustment it was he made.In my stupor (again) I decided that he obviously wasn’t understanding the adjustments that needed to be made, so I decided to get up after he went into the bathroom and adjust it again.And I did so, as part of the dream I was having. I dreamt myself off of the bunkbed, to the thermostat, but I don’t think I ever dreamt my self back into bed.Judge of my surprise when I found myself back in bed this morning and realized that I never actually got up.I apologized to my roommate for kicking him out of bed.I felt so stupid.
Anyway, blessings on all.I hope you have more fun on your weekend than I am planning on having on mine…
KB
Verse 1:
The son will set you free and you’ll be
You’ll be free indeed
And you’ll lift your eyes up to the place where
Where living water meets the sea
If any man will know the truth, then that
That truth will set him free
Well, I have known this Truth and I will say that
He is the King of Kings
We know that if we would see the Father
We must first look to the Son
And we are surely with You, Lord, our
Our hearts and minds are one.
Chorus:
We lift up our eyes
(To see the glory of the one who’s
Coming down to save us,
And Bow the knee unto the one who
Sits on the throne of David)
We lift up our eyes
(To Gaze upon the one who left it
All to be a servant unto us
And we will serve Him now forever
Because of what He’s done in us)
We lift up our eyes
To the Son of Man
*Note: The way this works is that the BGV’s or the Choir or whoever, sings “We lift up our eyes” and the lead sings the part in parentheses.
Verse 2:
And if we see the bitter jealousy that
Comes from living life with out the Son
We will walk in the grace of truth and love that
Cuts to the deepest parts
We will preach the gospel to them all
Beaten yes, not broken down
Bearing in our bodies yet, the a-
The afflictions of our Lord
Completing yet the burdens yes, that
That He alone could bear
That in the victory of His sufferings
We too might with him share…
(11-16-98)
Verse 1:
At the furnace of thy gates
I’ll be lifted up and see your glory
And the fire of my trial will seem
So small to me
My rejoicing will be with Angels
At the fire of thy glory
And we will say of the Lord of Heaven
He is awesome, He is holy
We will know that we are there
When we hear the sound of many waters
And the shouting of the people
Like the roaring of the thunder.
Chorus:
We’ll be high and lifted up
When we see Him in His glory
And when that trumpet sounds
We’ll be found ready.
Verse 2:
We will know that He is coming soon
When we see the prophecies fulfilling
And when we see the sons of glory come
Casting down their golden awning
The earth in pain it groans and shakes
Waiting for His glory
And we in Spirit groan and pray
Longing for His coming
When that trumpet blast will sound
A glorious shout will follow
The Desire of the Nations comes
And every other voice rings hollow
(11-14-98)
Won by one by one by one by one by one by one
Won by one by one by one by one by one by one…
Lord in power you saw us here when weakness made us dry
You left Your life, came down to heal—Your tears restored our eyes
Your cleansing power restrained our fears—Your words revealed our lives
Your life and has washed us clean—We know you are the Christ
(And we are) Won by one…
And this is the testimony that we have given to the world
That the Son of Man was lifted up to draw us to our Lord
And though they slay us, we will proclaim the glory of our King
Our lives are His, we lay them down, that every man might see
(That we are) Won by one…
And every time we lift Your name, another hears your voice
A song is shouted through the night, a power that changes lives
That every man who hears the song would say you are the Christ
And this is the hope and power we have—eternal life is in a choice!
(For we are) Won by one…
(11-08-98)
I looked to the light,
And a river of blood
Was flowing from the altar.
The fountain it flowed
From the side of the lamb,
And the kingdoms of men it faltered.
They could not believe
That the heart of the lamb
Was for the healing of the nations
And I stood and I wept
For the kingdom of God.
It was waiting just behind Him.
The river of life
Was the only bar,
And the tree of life stood beyond it.
But no one would come,
Their eyes were so fixed
On the lamb, though none received him.
The Lamb turned to me
His eyes burning deep
And he said to me, “Will you come?
And coming will you bring them?”
Interesting tidbits from my wonderful, fascinating life, all of which will probably interfere with the aura just inspired by the above poem:
Folks, life is getting scary. I found out Monday that I had a bibliography assignment due, um… last week. It was on the syllabus, plain and simple, but it wasn’t in the actual schedule of when things were due. You had a couple of pages of reading assignments, and on the back was the instructions about the paper that was due. I didn’t read those instructions because I wasn’t prepared to write my paper yet. However, in this particular class, my paper is broken down for me into several assignments, one of which was due last week. I think he talked about it in class, but I’m really not an audio learner, so I didn’t really pay much attention. I did my readings, got A’s on my quizzes and went on with my merry life. Until last week, when people turned in these pages and pages of lists of things they’d found on Chaucer. I thought, maybe, this is some kind of voluntary thing. Gee, those kids are so diligent, doing research on something they haven’t even read yet. Then Monday, they all go their assignments back and I think I saw grades on them, or at least comments. And so I had to ask, “Ok what the heck is this?” I got some pretty crazy looks. So now my homework’s late. Then, I realized Tuesday that I had completely missed a community service project that was worth 5% of my grade in my ethics class. I just forgot all about it. I spent all day Saturday cleaning my own room instead of cleaning the houses of poor, elderly people. My professor told me that she wanted to challenge the irrevocable nature (that means you can’t make it up) of the assignment, so I should think of some community service project that was really impressive and get back with her. I’m thinking of a childrens’ outreach program that a lady at MorningStar does, but I haven’t contacted her yet. Ve shall see.
Needless to say, I’m in a whirlwind right now. I already went ahead and dropped the extra class I was auditing, and now I’m just hoping to become a great deal more efficient. Because the only thing else I can drop is Xanga and I’m really loathe to do that. Monday night I hid in my room and did my homework assignment and refused to answer the phone or email or IM or anything. I felt pretty childish doing it, but I just didn’t want to talk to anybody. My understanding is that there were people all over campus trying to find me. My roommate came into the room and laughed at me and said (in his quiet Japanese way), “You’re hiding!” And I said, “Yep!” I’m so glad somebody understood.
Also: I guess other things than just dreams come up. I was sick last night. Here I was, already tired from freaking out about school and I ate something bad in the cafeteria. I thought I was just tired to the point of being dizzy and nauseous, so I went to bed, but when I woke up at 5:30 this morning “tired to the point of being dizzy and nauseous” I decided that maybe it was something else. This is proof of an English major: What was I doing in my sleep? I was rehashing the story of Frankenstein and trying to prove that the monster never really existed in the story, but was simply a figment of Dr. Frankenstien’s dementia. I was sure of this because I knew that every time the monster showed up and talked to Frankenstein, he was overcome with a rush of dizziness to the point of nausea. I was never able to prove my point entirely, though, because I eventually woke up.
What I really wanted was Pepto Bismol, but since that wasn’t available, I decided to get up and try for a soda from the dorm vending machine. I hopped down from my bunk (a feat in itself when you want to throw up) found the coin jar and shivered my way to the laundry room. I dished out the low low price of $1.00 and put in my first nickel. Fortunately, I realized immediately that something was wrong when the nickel when “chink” instead of the usual “chinkle-dink shiver shiver plish.” I looked in and there was a pile of money stuffed right inside the coin slot. Man, I tried everything. I got my keys out and tried to shove those coins around. I undid a paperclip. I broke the hook off of a hanger on the door of a washing machine in my attempt to un wind it so I could use it to shove the coins around. Nothing. I had no dollar bills, so I was not going to get a nice cool sprite. Eventually, I decided I was better enough just from being vertical for a while and went back to bed. For the most part, I think I’m better now. I was sort of pleased to know that my roommate was also feeling sick this morning and had eaten the same thing I did at dinner last night. Misery loves company. I am, however, going to tell the cafeteria staff in vain hopes that they won’t give us leftovers this time.
Shutting up now (to quote a little leprechaun)
KB
The Light! He draws the song
Etched deep within my soul
To carve in me a statue
The scars clave deep my wooden soul
The pain of beauty comes whistling down me
Removing flesh, the husk of life, like bark,
Dividing spirit from the soul.
Wood shavings pile around the work of art
A master knows the difference
In the tree sees Wooden-Head
The love, the life, the light to bring
A living child from marionette!
First off, everybody look up at my one beautiful graphic. Isn’t that nice? Do you wish you could draw? I wish I could draw. That lovely little banner was done for me by Jeremy Hall according to my sister’s design. Kudos to both of you. Actually, this is yet another blatant attempt at self-promotion. I took out an ad for my website at Machall.com. It cost five bucks and I figured, hey! Plus somebody else drew pictures for me and I like it when other people draw pictures for me. I wanted it to run this week, but that’s apparently not an option, because it has to be reviewed by somebody and they have to tell me if they approve of my ad or not, and I haven’t heard back from them yet. But that’s okay, because now at least I have a cool graphic at the top of my website.
Speaking of my website, I have another thing coming. My goal is to build me a real website instead of this blogging thing. Nothing wrong with blogging, per se, you understand, I just want to have a little more control over things like how many different articles are on the front page, and how they’re arranged and things like that. Here is my first attempt. Take care to ooh and ahh over the Archive. Actually, it’s really bad webdesign. It should be done with a template and a database, but I don’t know the first thing about website databases. I barely know the first thing about databases at all. So every little link is its own little web page that happens to look like all the others. Anyone who wants to volunteer to help me is more than welcome. I need help, man. Really bad, man…
Eventually, once I get everything fully operational, I’m going to add a bulletin board system and launch into a full fledged webpage. (I kinda feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff when I say that.)
Nothing more to say, really. Homework s me. I homework.
If anybody wants to put my banner up on their site somewhere, feel free. Tell me about it, and I’ll post a note telling people everybody else.
Shutting up now.
KB
Why do you mourn, oh starlett one?
Why do you gaze towards the horizon?
Why do you weep, oh weary one,
With your eyes toward the sea?
Why do you sigh
Like a mother never see her son again?
Why do you moan, stoop shouldered
With your eyes toward the sea?
Did you give your life and heart
To someone who would fail you?
Or did you simply learn the name
Of the One who found me?
(10-06-98)
Interesting thing about this poem: There are two lines at the bottom of it, in my note book, which are crossed out. They read, “I see it now/ I was destitute, I was dying.” I guess I just couldn’t think of anywhere to go with that idea in this particular poem. Now, it’s been a long time since I looked in this particular notebook, so I didn’t remember those extra lines at all. But I thought, well gee, that line looks familiar. So I did a little search and found this one. Apparently those two lines sat in my craw like a bit of sand in an oyster until finally… So I thought that was interesting. And I’m kicking myself now, because I have no idea when I wrote the other poem. I should have put the dates up when I was posting them. It never occurred to me that I would deliberately delete all my stuff on my computer. Continue reading “Why do you mourn”
neumatikos 